#29: Ciao

Even on my last free day, I still did not know how to maximize my time. It’s quite sad when a long quiet journey has come to an end. Things will never be the same again with all my responsibilities outside the four corners of my room. I had a wonderful time spending days in isolation. The solitude the past few months had brought me can never be forgotten. Memories I made doing the things I postponed doing before were created during these times.

I still have a long road ahead. I need to wake up. I need to get back up, continue to win the fight of my life as a person who pledges to serve my fellow countrymen. It is with honor that I get to do my obligations and fulfilling my aspirations at the same time. I will no longer be held back, I will continue to move forward for that is the right thing to do.

The first 29 posts were made during this quarantine. My future self will probably reimagine my past self writing these stuff. After 72 days alone, I hope I had become a better person. Tomorrow’s endeavors will test me, for sure. Well, it’s time. I got this!

I’ll be long gone. See you on my next post. Ciao!

#28: Needing Direction?

God’s roadmap!

Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your feet from evil. – Proverbs 4:25-27

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” – Isaiah 30:21

Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have them ready on your lips. – Proverbs 22:17-18

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path, Lord. – Psalm 119:105

I’ll add more tomorrow 🙂

#27: Friday Again

It’s Friday again. I thought my roommate would be back by now, but turns out I still have the room on my own. I know it’s the last Friday before we go back to our Clerkship, yet this morning I got off my bed late. Then I napped 4 hours. I’m guessing it’s because I’m having insomnia again. Last night, I wasn’t able to sleep even though I slept on my usual schedule. I kept tossing and turning on my bed. Then I finally decided to just continue reading a book. I did not feel sleepy while reading, but I figured I should stop because it was nearing 3 in the morning. I did not adjust my alarm clock and it was set to wake me up at 6:30 a.m. Well, I woke up immediately at the sound of my alarm, but continued watching the Korean Drama I’ve been binge watching lately which is why I got up later as usual. It was 9 a.m. when I got up. Truthfully, it makes the rest of the day tiring. So, as you can guess, I wasn’t really able to be productive. Yet, in the afternoon, I did some household chores. This evening I had to send an email and my laptop works slower than a turtle. I really need a new one before the start of my internship.

Anyways, I’m already sleepy but I have tons to do. I still have to iron my uniform so I don’t have to do it next week. I also have to wash my dishes, or maybe I will do it tomorrow. Of course, I have to finish the series I’m watching, but I’m still from the ending. Okay, I should get going before I head for to sleep. Zzzz…

#26: Fruit Salad

Today, I made fruit salad. It is one of my favorites. I do have a sweet tooth, so I cannot pick what food deserves to be the top 1 of that list of favorites. Since I have elbow macaroni left, I figured I better make a fruit salad. I went to the grocery two days ago and bought some ingredients. I am on low budget so I picked two other ingredients: crem-densada (cream + condensada) and canned mixed fruits. I actually forgot to buy cheese, but it’s still fine without it.

This afternoon, I had the time to make the salad. I cannot remember the last time I ate one. Usually during Christmas season my family prepares this, but in the past few years it has been absent on our dining table. Maybe, this is the reason why I have this unending cravings. Everytime I eat it, it just brings me back to my childhood—enjoying my food while watching television with family. I miss those happy moments of anticipating a movie’s plot twist while eating my favorite dessert. How I wish I could go back to those simpler times. How nostalgic.

Oh, can you believe that a fruit salad just made me think of these things? Moreover, I am enjoying my dessert while watching a Korean Drama. There are just some things that don’t change, right?

#25: Dear Self

I saw a poem posted by @httpspoetry on Twitter and I wanted to put it here. The poem spoke to me.

Dear self,

Sorry for hurting you,
Sorry for being sad all the time,
Sorry for thinking too much,
Those sleepless nights,
Those tears, pain, anxiety, bad habits.

I promise that this time,
I’ll take care of you now.

I was hoping to be productive today, but I was once again defeated. I only have four days left before we go on to our respective duties. My hands are full and my mind’s confused with whichever I should do first. Tomorrow is another day of hoping that I will get my priorities straight.

#24: Untitled Rant

I have been out of my positive energy lately. I think it is because I only have less than a week before I resume with my hospital duties again. I have been sleeping late and waking up late, been skipping breakfast, been missing workout, and been watching series a lot. It’s so ironic, to think that I do these stuff even though I should try to accomplish the things I have to get done before I lose my time. What has gotten into me?

I think a part of this, is because of our school which still does not have concrete plans for us. Today, I was hurt due to our dean’s statement in a PTA meeting held with some of the parents. The dean actually thinks that being delayed over a year is an option rather than putting our safety first. I am actually willing to go on with our duties in the hospital because, personally, I need the skills. But today, I got concerned due to the school’s lack of empathy during this pandemic. This is not new. I’m not gonna go over their inconsiderate demeanor for years of being in that school. I am so confused and tired with our school. I just hope things will be resolved as soon as possible so we know what to do.

Hoping to have an enlightened mind tomorrow!

#23: Matched

Waiting for a long time could really be exhausting. Thinking about the outcome of our choices puts us in agony. We could choose to ponder over it every minute or leave it all to the heavens above. As for me, I did both. When our future is at stake, we cannot help but evaluate our decisions and ask ourselves whether we made the right choice or not. In the process of waiting, we slowly realize what we really want.

In my case, I made a critical decision. If there are lots of choices, it tends to be more confusing. But I made my decision based on my current situation, with regards to my need for financial sustainability and the need for exposure on my chosen field.

I was not matched on the first round of matching. I have to go through the second round. I visited the site where I should choose three hospitals in order of interest, number 1 being the prioritized hospital among the three. Since the hospitals I chose in the first round were not really my top choices, I opted to change all of them. It was difficult to choose because I was not fully sure on which hospitals I desire. As a clerk, I had a hectic schedule in the hospital. But few days before that, I realized I should base my decision on practical reasons, and as I said, I just chose based on my needs.

After making the hard decision, I have convinced myself I made the right one. I was happy for finally choosing my own path, without others’ influence. I have waited for 2 months to get my results and when I was informed through text, I felt the excitement and nervousness. I have imagined the possible happenings in the next few months and I got thrilled by them. It sounds silly to imagine things, but I create scenes inside my head. Those that make me feel confident, inspired, and calm at the same time. I always think of what I can do to make myself better in the future.

Even after getting a text, I was not purely convinced I was accepted because it was not posted officially on the ENIPS-APMC site. It was also not the first hospital I chose in the site, so I still have to wait for the other hospital. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, results were moved many times already.

Finally yesterday, the results were out. I am officially matched. I am going to be a Post Graduate Intern by August at the hospital I believe will equip me with skills I need for my training as a doctor. I am extremely happy. I will treat this as an inspiration as I go through the remaining weeks of my clerkship.

#22: TWOTM

You probably know the Korean drama entitled “The World of the Married” has already ended yesterday. The drama has a total of 16 episodes. Every episode is interesting and hard to resist from watching. With all the plot twists and unexpected turn of events, the drama has got all the audience captured. It leaves them wanting for more.

The finale, in my own opinion, entails the best scenes of the entire drama. One can learn life lessons, particularly on relationships. Truthfully, I did not expect this drama to make me cry. If you have watched ‘that’ scene in the finale, I’m sure you will also be touched. Well, that is if you have a weak heart like mine. For all the heartaches this drama caused me, I finally gave in because of ‘that’. The conclusion of the drama addressed the loose ends left from the past episodes that we have all been waiting to be answered.

The drama has an open ending yet it’s perfect. Of course, I’m still curious about a lot of things. I still have questions as to where their son went and what will possibly happen to them in the future. Staying everything as it is, is a great way to end this drama. I love the course this drama went through. The ratings show how everyone agrees that this not-so-typical love story is a success. As for me, it is one of the dramas I’ve watched with great unexpected endings. It is worth the time but I honestly don’t see myself watching it all over again. There are dramas you only watch once, and this one belongs to that list.

#20: Last Friday Alone?

I have always liked Fridays. There’s this feeling of coming out from a hell week. It is like a breather, even just for a day. Though, I did not actually have a hell week. Fridays always make me realize how time flies so fast. I remember people complaining about how fast time flies when we’re busy, and how slow it is when we just want to move fast forward. That is still the case, but these days I have felt that the minutes of hours of every day are moving the same. They may differ only a bit, but it is more on how people think of it that makes it scooting or dragging. Time is really unstoppable, that’s just my point.

Today was extra calming. Well, being alone on a Friday isn’t new to me, but I just realized that this maybe my last Friday alone this quarantine. I just want to share that I changed something in my schedule today. I did my workout 2 hours after dinner, so I could study in the morning. But I ruined the afternoon schedule by sleeping until 5 o’ clock. The rest of my time I spent watching series. Money Heist and A World of Married Couple are on my list, as of the moment. I planned on watching some more movies that I always skipped before because of my hectic schedule. I hope to go over them this weekend. Anyways, I don’t have anything to talk about but this. I’m just really going to miss the times I spend in solitude.

Have a happy weekend!