Waiting for a long time could really be exhausting. Thinking about the outcome of our choices puts us in agony. We could choose to ponder over it every minute or leave it all to the heavens above. As for me, I did both. When our future is at stake, we cannot help but evaluate our decisions and ask ourselves whether we made the right choice or not. In the process of waiting, we slowly realize what we really want.
In my case, I made a critical decision. If there are lots of choices, it tends to be more confusing. But I made my decision based on my current situation, with regards to my need for financial sustainability and the need for exposure on my chosen field.
I was not matched on the first round of matching. I have to go through the second round. I visited the site where I should choose three hospitals in order of interest, number 1 being the prioritized hospital among the three. Since the hospitals I chose in the first round were not really my top choices, I opted to change all of them. It was difficult to choose because I was not fully sure on which hospitals I desire. As a clerk, I had a hectic schedule in the hospital. But few days before that, I realized I should base my decision on practical reasons, and as I said, I just chose based on my needs.
After making the hard decision, I have convinced myself I made the right one. I was happy for finally choosing my own path, without others’ influence. I have waited for 2 months to get my results and when I was informed through text, I felt the excitement and nervousness. I have imagined the possible happenings in the next few months and I got thrilled by them. It sounds silly to imagine things, but I create scenes inside my head. Those that make me feel confident, inspired, and calm at the same time. I always think of what I can do to make myself better in the future.
Even after getting a text, I was not purely convinced I was accepted because it was not posted officially on the ENIPS-APMC site. It was also not the first hospital I chose in the site, so I still have to wait for the other hospital. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, results were moved many times already.
Finally yesterday, the results were out. I am officially matched. I am going to be a Post Graduate Intern by August at the hospital I believe will equip me with skills I need for my training as a doctor. I am extremely happy. I will treat this as an inspiration as I go through the remaining weeks of my clerkship.